JEALOUSY

How To Keep It From Ruining Your Life

By Peter M. Kalellis

The feeling of jealousy is sad and insidious when it enters a marriage. A man who jealously notices that his wife or partner praises the virtues of another man feels uncomfortable and allows this jealousy to take possession of his mind. A woman whose husband or partner is eagerly trying to find employment for her girlfriend may fear that a love affair may develop. Such a woman is setting herself up for a jealous existence. The temptation is always present, but in a healthy and happy relationship, trust can always overcome.

PROBLEMS THAT CAN ESCALATE
Jealousy is an encompassing emotional condition that engages one person in a fervent struggle against another. It starts when an individual feels that the other has an advantage. Most people, young and old, are affected by this emotion in varying degrees of intensity and frequency as they compete and compare themselves to others. Jealous individuals cannot necessarily harm others by their feelings of jealousy; primarily, they hurt themselves. When jealous feelings persist, there is no peace. Jealousy causes problems in any relationship that can escalate into hatred.

Since the dawn of history, in most human relationships, in the arts and drama, among races and nations, jealousy is present. I want to have what you have. It is sad to notice jealousy among adults. In most fields of endeavor, this pervasive emotion causes anxiety, anger—even hostility. How come she’s talking to the boss? Why are they always whispering and smiling together? Where does he get all that money?

Jealous people suffer emotionally. Their perceptions become distorted, and their thoughts become dark and destructive. But be aware: where suspicion exists, there is no real love—only lust. The jealous person wants to own and control the loved one.

Jealous people tacitly acknowledge their inability to maintain the love of a spouse and further admit unworthiness of affection. The very nature of jealousy is an attempt to overshadow the other by denying their freedom of thought, activity, and personal initiative. These are indispensable ingredients for healthy communications and the preservation of enduring love.

KEEP THESE IN MIND
• Most people disclaim possession of such an evil emotion as jealousy. At times they may not be aware that they are possessed by envy. If they consider it at all, they deny such feelings: Me, jealous? What makes you think I’m jealous? I feel just fine.
• Have you ever noticed how jealousy surfaces among adults? The habit of comparing and competing is so widespread that many people firmly believe that it is a law of nature. Competition, a by-product of jealousy, is often praised as a tremendous and much-needed virtue to excel in life. Beware!
• Mature, responsible, self-reliant people have little or no need to compete with anyone. They are too self-confident to make jealous comparisons or to blackmail, cheat, destroy, and torment others to rise above them. Mature couples are too busy and concerned with building an excellent relationship to allow jealousy into their relationship.
• If you imagine that your happiness depends upon another person, and you become consumed by jealousy of other people, you are deluding yourself. True happiness is a product of a good heart and a pure spirit.
• Analyze the reality of your jealous feelings. They can be emotionally and physically consuming. Realize how detrimental it is to your health, peace of mind, and most of all, the destruction jealousy causes to your relationship with your spouse.