MINDIE’S MUSINGS

Dear Mindie,
I’d love your advice on how to get out of a perfectionist mindset. I am finding that my desire for the “perfect” situation or outcome causes me to freeze and delay making decisions or trying new things. Even though my goal is to move forward in my life, this wanting everything to be perfect is keeping me static. How can I get out of this cycle? Looking forward to your advice.
Thank you,
Paula P.

Dear Paula P,
Trying to be perfect and striving to show up as the best version of yourself is a positive initiative. But when it starts to interfere with your day-to-day functioning and monopolizes your thoughts, that mission is problematic.

While “perfectionism” is not an actual psychological diagnosis recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it does fall under the criteria for another disorder; however, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. In order to achieve this diagnosis, the obsession over work or other aspects of one’s life must be debilitating to the point no pleasures, such as hobbies or friendships are engaged in. It doesn’t sound like you’re combating these sorts of intrusive thoughts, but it seems as though your mission to attain the perfect job is causing you some duress and that uneasiness could eventually bleed into other aspects of your life if not addressed.

uncertainty of your present job offers, I will make the assessment that you are driven by fear rather than the hunt itself. There will never be a perfect job. That is not reality. You could accept a job and later realize you made a mistake. I suspect that notion is the source of your being upset. I do empathize: Your work search and struggle to find a strong fit, after being out of work or potentially at a career crossroads is not an easy place to stand. I appreciate how hard it is to truly know if a prospective job or employer is the right fit. One never really knows what the future holds, which may be part of your dilemma. For you, finding the “perfect” job or situation is likely never to be present. I believe it’s fear, rather than perfection standing in your way.

To combat this, I recommend you make a “no negotiations” list of criteria for your next career endeavor. Whatever you really desire, write it down: money, an in-office setting, a work-from-home dynamic, an opportunity to gain experience or take on new responsibilities you have never managed before. Then, when you are faced with a prospective position, you can cross-check that all your core needs are all met.

Another must: Lean into your intuition. You need to appreciate that you can make a mistake and that you don’t have to be married to your next role. You may choose to be, and if so, that’s wonderful! But you don’t have to be. You can take a job and choose to sidestep again. One thing rings true, though: You will most certainly grow and evolve more from taking a job and leaving it than you will staying stagnant and plateaued. Go for it, Paula P.!

Being perfect includes owning some imperfections.

Sincerely,

Mindie

We welcome your questions and invite you to reach out to Mindie at mindiesmusings1@gmail.com to help ease all your dilemmas each month.