MINDIE’S MUSINGS

Dear Mindie, I need to break up with one of my best friends. Maybe I should say “former best friend.” We have known each other since nursery school and despite the periods of time, like college and when I moved to London after school, for my finance career, we have managed to remain close. But lately I am feeling that I am no longer a priority to her and that the friends she is made in her new Soho neighborhood are more important as she is canceled plans on me more times than not lately. I have talked to her, but she does not seem to understand or care. What to do? 

Sincerely, 

Faux Friend

Dear Faux Friend,
First, I would not call you a “faux friend.” The mere fact you are taking the time to write to me to see if there may be any type of salvation for what seems like an incredible childhood friendship means you are a genuine friend. Know that. I also do not think your friend in question is a “faux,” either. I think in life people change, they evolve and that sometimes means friendships change and relationships look different. While that can be painful it is also important that we recognize this and know our worth, what we bring to the proverbial table and the type of treatment we deserve. That said: in life there will be times when you may show up more than a friend may or vice versa because one’s needs come in ebbs and flows as well as drama, sadness, happiness, and elation. 

My advice is to invite your friend for a coffee. If she means that much to you, you should attempt to have a one-on-one conversation with her, showing your vulnerability and sharing your honesty about how you are feeling. Do not point fingers at her but do not sugarcoat your position, either. If she still does not understand your point-of-view or later seems to return to her current patterns of not prioritizing your time and friendship, then I would suggest you take a break from her. I am not saying to break up with her, rather press pause on the situation for a while and see where the chips fall.

You may find that you are okay with the support system you have with others, and that she may be better suited in your life as an acquaintance or someone to get together with on occasion—where you catch up deeply.

 

Or you may realize that she has changed, and she is no longer the friend you once knew and loved. It is okay if that is the outcome, just know it is better to know than to dance around the subject or make a hasty decision out of emotion.

I wish you the best of luck. Good friends are precious but just like we say in dating, there are many fish in the sea. Be social, get out there and you will be surprised how many friendships you attain. I have created some of my best friendships in my adulthood. Female friendships are a form of sisterhood—there is nothing like it. The more sisters the better! 

Best of luck with all!

Mindie