MINDIE’S MUSINGS

Mindie is available for in-person and virtual wellness therapy sessions via her Executive Health by Mindie Barnett wellness coaching practice. Her expertise is in interpersonal relationships, overcoming depression, coping with anxiety and avoiding and overcoming burnout among many other wellness areas. Life coaching and career coaching are also areas she excels in. For more information or to schedule a session
visit mbexecutivehealth.com

Dear Mindie,

I find myself feeling blue! I have two incredible, grown daughters. They are the loves of my life, my husband’s life, too, and our only children. However, since they were children, they have always had a rivalry. I know that is common among siblings, but their rivalry is not the norm. They do not get along and tend to compete professionally, personally, and even amongst their children. It isn’t very comforting for me, and at this point in our lives, I wish we could all just get along and be happy with one another. I just purchased a vacation home in Florida and worry about having them come simultaneously, as I know that will end in disaster. Is there anything I can do to have a peaceful existence with my only children this holiday season? 

Sincerely, 

Feeling Blue

Dear Feeling Blue,  

This is a tough one! While I can empathize with you that having your daughters, who are also your only children, get along in harmony, would be ideal and give you an unsurmountable level of happiness. Sometimes our greatest wishes are not feasible, at least for the near future. From what you have shared, your daughters have some deep-seated resentment, anger, and emotional duress that simply asking them to “get along” will not fix. Even tackling and repairing the most recent ruptures will merely equate to putting a band-aid on a wound that needs stitches. The bandage may slow the bleeding for some time, but inevitably, the bleeding will regain its force.

SHARING FEELINGS & EMOTIONS
The path to yield success is to have your daughters (and you and your husband) attend family therapy sessions. There, they can share their feelings and emotions with a professional mental health expert who will serve as a solid sounding board, collaborator, and someone neutral and unbiased.

This will not be an overnight fix, but in time, your core family will be able to function in a more healthful, authentic, and cohesive fashion, leaving you feeling at peace. That’s something every mother (or father) yearns for their children. Family therapy requires deep work and will bring pain to everyone involved. In the end, your quadrant will be much better because of it.

Family therapy is indeed an investment of time, in addition to emotions. Results will take time, and they will not be present in time for your holiday family gatherings this year. In the interim, I advise you to focus on the aspects of each daughter which bring you joy. Some families are severed and estranged, and while your girls could possess a much closer relationship, they are still in one another’s lives. If it’s less stressful to celebrate with them individually, perhaps that is the healthiest way to go for now. I would advise that you spend equal time with both daughters and, if possible, capitalize on each other’s personalities when in their company. While we all want what we want regarding our families, flexibility is critical and often the ticket to peace and happiness in all family dynamics.

I wish you and your family love and peace for the New Year!

Love,
Mindie xo