MINDIE’S MUSINGS

Mindie is available for in-person and virtual wellness therapy sessions via her Executive Health by Mindie Barnett wellness coaching practice. Her expertise is in interpersonal relationships, overcoming depression, coping with anxiety and avoiding and overcoming burnout among many other wellness areas. Life coaching and career coaching are also areas she excels in. For more information or to schedule a session
visit mbexecutivehealth.com

Dear Mindie,

I need to break up with one of my best friends. Maybe I should say “former best friend.” We’ve known each other since nursery school, and despite the periods like college and when I moved to London after school for my finance career, we’ve managed to remain close.

Lately, I feel that I’m no longer a priority to her and that the friends she’s made in her new Soho neighborhood are more important, as she’s canceled plans for me more times than not lately. I’ve talked to her, but she doesn’t seem to understand or care. What to do?  

Sincerely,
Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned Friend,

You’re writing to me to see if there may be any salvation for what seems like an incredible childhood friendship, which means you are a genuine friend. Know that.

In life, people change; they evolve, and that sometimes means friendships change and relationships look different. While that can be painful, it’s also important that we recognize this and know our worth, what we bring to the proverbial table, and the type of treatment we deserve. Your feelings are valid, and your experiences are real.

That said, in life, there will be times when you may show up more than a friend may or vice versa because one’s needs come in ebbs and flows, as do drama, sadness, happiness and elation.

I suggest inviting your friend for a coffee. When you meet, start the conversation by expressing your appreciation for the friendship and the memories you’ve shared. Then, gently bring up your concerns about feeling neglected and how it’s affecting you. If she still doesn’t understand your point of view or later seems to return to her current patterns of not prioritizing your time and friendship,

I suggest you take a break from her. I am not saying to break up with her; rather, press pause on the situation for a while and see where the chips fall.

You may find that you are okay with the support system you have with others and that she may be better suited in your life as an acquaintance or someone to get together with on occasion—where you catch up deeply. Or you may realize that she has changed and is no longer the friend you once knew and loved. It’s okay if that is the outcome, but it’s better to know than to dance around the subject or make a hasty decision out of emotion.

Remember, every ending is a new beginning, and this situation could lead to new and fulfilling friendships. I wish you the best of luck. Good friends are precious, but just like we say in dating, there are many fish in the sea. Be social, get out there, and you’ll be surprised how many friendships you attain. I have created some of my best friendships in adulthood.

Female friendships are a form of sisterhood—there’s nothing like it. The more sisters, the better! Remember, it’s okay to take a step back and focus on your own well-being. If you find yourself struggling with this situation, consider seeking professional help. Your mental health is important.

Love,
Mindie xo