The MINDIE Method

Mindie is available for in-person and virtual psychotherapy sessions via her Executive Health by Mindie Barnett Psychotherapy practice. Her expertise is in interpersonal relationships, overcoming depression, coping with anxiety and avoiding and overcoming burnout among many other wellness areas. Life coaching and career coaching are also areas she excels in. For more information or to schedule a session
visit mbexecutivehealth.com 

Dear Mindie,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now and while it hasn’t happened yet, I think this might be the year he pops the question! We’ve talked a lot about it, and we think we would want to go ring shopping together to look at different diamond cuts, colors, designs, etc. I have sent him ideas and pics of the types of rings I think I’d want, but I’m a bit indecisive and what I think I like might not be what I actually like. He said if I’m wearing a ring for the rest of my life, he wants to be sure I’m just as happy with the design. But I wonder if this ruins the full element of surprise, even though the final version would be entirely of his choosing.  What do you suggest?

Hi Miss Indecisive,
Well, this is a good problem to have, indeed! Congratulations, first and foremost, that you and your partner are thinking of spending forever together and likely taking a major step in the New Year. That’s incredibly exciting for a variety of reasons! While the ring is certainly a major part of the milestone it’s only a symbol of your commitment and soon-to-be union so I would try your best not to put a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself as you make the decision on style, cut, and clarity.

The first step in the process would be to determine a budget for this investment as you may choose a cut based on that. For example, round stones tend to look larger in karat weight than an emerald stone may. In addition, the clarity and color of an oval shape may not be as significant as the clarity and color needed in a princess shape diamond, and so on. Then, I would suggest figuring out what types of settings are appealing to you. There are modern styles, vintage-inspired and traditional styles, just to name a few.

The best way to know what you truly are attracted to is to head to a shop and try on. A lot! Model them on your finger and see how they look on your hand, how they feel and then think about practicality. Would this ring work well with your everyday pieces and does it feel comfortable to wear all the time? These are all important questions to consider.

Wishing you lots of love, light and sparkle in your future, I would also not look at this ring as something you’ll wear for the rest of your life, either. While that would be nice and many do choose to do that, there are also a large variety of people who upgrade the ring after a special anniversary or have it reset with children’s birthstone inclusions or to accommodate taste changes as one’s taste matures and evolves. The ring is certainly important but does not have to be looked upon as a lifelong commitment, that only holds true for your future betrothed.

Wishing you lots of love andlight,

XO Mindi