The MINDIE Method

Mindie is available for in-person and virtual psychotherapy sessions via her Executive Health by Mindie Barnett Psychotherapy practice. Her expertise is in interpersonal relationships, overcoming depression, coping with anxiety and avoiding and overcoming burnout among many other wellness areas. Life coaching and career coaching are also areas she excels in. For more information or to schedule a session
visit mbexecutivehealth.com 

Dear Mindie,
I am feeling incredibly anxious and depressed about my older daughter. She is now closing out her sophomore year of college and simply does not have it together. She parties all the time and is often binge-drinking to the point of blacking out, she spends too much time alone in her dorm and has no real ambition regarding her future. She has made no attempts, despite my pushing, to get an internship this summer and is doing the minimum to get by academically. While her grades are decent, I know they could be better. I am spending much of my time checking the Life 360 app on my phone so that I can make sure she at least makes to class and is home at a reasonable hour on school nights. Her behavior is a major source of upset and conflict between my husband and I too. It makes me feel so hopeless when my daughter won’t listen to me, as well.

Sincerely, Morbid Mom

Dear Morbid Mom,
Your situation seems very difficult and I’m sorry that this situation is causing you so much duress. Teens and young adults are not the easiest to navigate in the best of circumstances and it seems as though your daughter may be struggling with some other issues. I would surmise that the symptoms you’re describing: the drinking, her lack of ambition, and her isolation are the result of something else which is plaguing her. I would recommend that you seek professional help for your daughter and have her speak with a therapist if she isn’t already doing so. It may also be a good idea to consider family counseling so you can all meet and share what’s troubling you as a family unit.

Regarding your anxiety and depression, I would recommend you scale down or even stop with the Life 360 monitoring. College is a time where kids can exercise real independence and autonomy and it sounds like your daughter is not able to have that full experience while living away at school. I believe your involvement may be causing her to rebel even more so.

If you’re genuinely uncomfortable not knowing her whereabouts regularly, I would recommend bringing her home as the situation you’ve described is likely giving your daughter mixed messages: “You’re mature and responsible enough to live away from your family but we need to monitor you and keep tabs on you as you cannot be trusted.”

If the latter is true, I would also recommend you giving your daughter consequences, if you haven’t already done so, as well.

Either way, the Life 360 monitoring is likely causing you more anxiety as it’s a constant reminder of your daughter’s actions and creating an environment in which you are living in constant chaos due to how her behavior impacts your mood.  

I wish you the best of luck as you navigate this difficult terrain!  

Wishing you Love and Light,

XO Mindi