The Mindie Method

Psychotherapist, wellness coach, author, and speaker Mindie Barnett answers your questions about life, navigating these stressful and uncertain times, and steering you down a more straight forward path. We welcome your questions and invite you to contact Mindie at: mindiesmusings1@gmail.com

Mindie is available for in-person and virtual psychotherapy sessions via her Executive Health by Mindie Barnett Psychotherapy practice. Her expertise is in interpersonal relationships, overcoming depression, coping with anxiety and avoiding and overcoming burnout among many other wellness areas. Life coaching and career coaching are also areas she excels in. For more information or to schedule a session visit mbexecutivehealth.com

Dear Mindie,
I need some advice for a good friend. She’s a lovely, successful young lady who is really eager to date and settle down but is having a hard time meeting The One. She has tried everything — the dating apps, going to bars etc. but nothing works. She has never had a boyfriend or really dated much but wants to have kids and every year that passes makes that less likely as she is getting older. It’s hard to sit back and watch. What should she do? She has tried everything.

Sincerely,
There’s Noone in New York

Dear There’s Noone in New York,
Dating is hard! Dating in the digital age is even more grueling than dating IRL. With so many options and easy access to new connections, people tend to get overly selective and put too much emphasis on superficial aspects of a person, rather than what’s inside their soul.

I would recommend that your friend start getting curious and approach the experience as one she may learn from rather than viewing it as a chore. When on a date or out on the town, she should keep her head and heart open to new people, even if they may not be her ideal mate from the get-go. She should look to try new restaurants, explore new neighborhoods and participate in new activities which may seem interesting to her. I would even recommend, if she has the means, to consider going on a retreat of some sort or partake in a trip or experience to a place she thoroughly enjoys where she may be in a position to meet likeminded people – potentially a partner – and enjoy herself regardless.

Regarding her desire for children, that’s tricky as time is definitely a factor and fertility treatments which can prolong a woman’s ability to have a baby are costly and, therefore, not always feasible. She needs to look into herself and decide how important motherhood is to her. If it’s a non-negotiable, then she should consider having a baby without a partner. There are many ways in which to achieve this and many women (and men!) are opting to take matters into their own hands in today’s day and age and conceive without having a partner to share the journey with. When the right person comes along, they’ll be happy to co-parent and share in the rearing of raising a child.

In a nutshell, your friend needs to make decisions for herself based on the information she has in front of her – today. She will feel less anxious and more in control of her life and, hopefully, feel some peace and, then, eventually love!

Wishing you and your friend love and light,
Mindie xo